On panic, fainting, and bleeding eyeballs.

I'm about to head off to Ohio for my mom's surgery (got a post ready for tomorrow regarding THAT). I'm starting to get nervous because hospitals/blood/injury/campy gore and I do not get along so well. I'm a fainter, and a panic-attacker, and combined that generally equals disaster.

Consider my brother's deviated septum surgery a few years ago. I was totally set to be the big-sister-figure and accompanied him to the hospital. In the recovery room, I began to feel a bit nervous while he was generally occupied with how much he had to piss post-surgery. And then his EYEBALLS STARTED BLEEDING. BLEEDING. FUCKING. EYEBALLS. It was stigmata all up in there. Naturally, I slumped in my chair and passed out. Sorry, lil bro. We both ended up in the recovery room in separate beds being attended to by the nurses, and Husband had to pick both of our sorry asses up.

So...I'm keyed up about the coming days. There will be bodily fluids. There will be that awful smell of sterile latex and hospital soap. There will be fluorescent lighting.

My only solution will be to rely on heavy sedation to ward off the pre-fainting anxiety attacks. Bloody stuff is not the only issue, I often rely on a little narcotic help. I'm at the airport now, and had to mildly sedate for the whole crowd molestation orgy that is O'Hare. Any kind of professional presentation = Minimum 2 Xanax. Meeting new people, especially hot dudez = 1 Xanax + 1 cocktail. (See, I wasn't flirting with you it was JUST THE DRUGS.)

But blood/injury phobia definitely gets the spotlight in my anxious brain. So, there will be much druggage, and my personality is about to get even more awesome. It will be kind of like afternoon drinking on the beach! Except in pill form, and surrounded by orthopedic shoes.

If you need me the next few days, I will be drooling on the floor next to my sweet mama at Hillcrest Hospital in Mayfield, Ohio. Hopefully she will still feel my support through my dull, clammy hand and slurred speech.

And now, a video of fainting livestock set to the Benny Hill theme song.