Like many self-involved 30-somethings, I am an avid follower of fashion, design, and style. Simply, I heart pretty things. I follow New York Times Fashion on the twitters, and even subscribe to Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and other magazines that instill a desire to smoke cigarettes and wear fitted linen. There’s just one problem.
I exist in the body type of a congenitally deformed hobbit.
Meaning: Breast-heavy and slightly duck-footed. Occasional arthritic limp. Topping out at 4 foot 11 and half. As a result, I struggle with the multitude of “looks,” and thus must resort my staples of jeans and t-shirts with the appendages cut off. I’ll continue to glance wistfully at the lithe models in couture, as in reality- I overjoy with my second-hand finds of men’s flannel pants. Here is what I won’t be wearing this season:
1. Capes. I tried on a cape jacket at Nordstrom’s. A stranger asked me if I needed a meal.
2. Equestrian wear (e.g. jodphurs and riding boots). The look on me is “Uptown Pre-School Elite.”
3. Boxy knit tops. With any cropped top, I generally resemble an apple in a sandwich bag.
4. Vests. Think the annoying middle daughter in “Full House.”
5. Orange lipstick. I tried this the last time it came around and looked like I had a bad case of MRSA.
Feel free to pass along any other trends I will not be able to wear. Shrug. I like to look anyway.
Image via Dappled Grey
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ReplyDeleteI have been rocking the crap out of orange lipstick for a month or so now.
ReplyDeleteWe have similar-enough coloring that I'd be surprised that you can't pull it off. I believe in you, Melanie!
xo,
Loco