It's Sunday in June. You've slept til noon. You roll out of bed, pound your prescription eye drops, and begin your Sunday afternoon hammock 'n' multi-substance binge. About 5pm rolls around and you realize that you have mere hours before your BFF's killer birthday BBQ and you have to play a competitive sporting event next week and you have been a little concerned about your muffin top and also ate nearly a pound of Amish butter with an entire baguette for lunch.
So. Normally, under normal mediocre self-loathing conditions, you would just pop back another capful of Robitussin and shave your legs. But, given the importance of maximizing EVERY DAMN CALORIE-MURDERING OPPORTUNITY, you realize you must take action.
How to exercise on drugs*:
1. Select your workout. I opt for an elliptical machine, because it makes for upper-body freedom. Jumproping is also good. Running in place for an hour is extremely fun.
2. Put on your favorite Hello Kitty t-shirt and 2-sizes-too-small American Apparel booty shorts.
3. Fire up your iPod to the best 80s anthems you can muster (Aha, When in Rome, Erasure).
4. Have a handler present. Someone should pop their head in the room when your Boyz II Men moves get out of hand and your iPod explodes when you accidentally throw it across the room.
5. Burn calories.
It will look something like this.
*Don't really exercise on drugs, idiot.
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