Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Summer Sunday Substance Abuse Workout Plan!

It's Sunday in June. You've slept til noon. You roll out of bed, pound your prescription eye drops, and begin your Sunday afternoon hammock 'n' multi-substance binge. About 5pm rolls around and you realize that you have mere hours before your BFF's killer birthday BBQ and you have to play a competitive sporting event next week and you have been a little concerned about your muffin top and also ate nearly a pound of Amish butter with an entire baguette for lunch.

So. Normally, under normal mediocre self-loathing conditions, you would just pop back another capful of Robitussin and shave your legs. But, given the importance of maximizing EVERY DAMN CALORIE-MURDERING OPPORTUNITY, you realize you must take action.

How to exercise on drugs*:

1. Select your workout. I opt for an elliptical machine, because it makes for upper-body freedom. Jumproping is also good. Running in place for an hour is extremely fun.

2. Put on your favorite Hello Kitty t-shirt and 2-sizes-too-small American Apparel booty shorts.

3. Fire up your iPod to the best 80s anthems you can muster (Aha, When in Rome, Erasure).

4. Have a handler present. Someone should pop their head in the room when your Boyz II Men moves get out of hand and your iPod explodes when you accidentally throw it across the room.

5. Burn calories.

It will look something like this.




*Don't really exercise on drugs, idiot.

1 comment:

  1. Exactly when an individual has been already drug subordinate out of the blue pulls back, the individual experiences strain, despairing and aching for. That is the explanation it is noteworthy that drug rehab workplaces are not kidding circumstances so as not to make the road of recovery hard for past addicts. Without the rare ringing of phones, this calm of the earth won't be broken. With the help of an OK answering mail, new associations continue being set up through phone without annihilating already existing relationship with patients. If there is an emergency, calls will be subsequently planned to the affected party so less people will be annoyed with the ringing of the phone. In like manner, without the physical space used by in-house secretaries and call center administrators, there ends up being less jumble to an adequately tumultuous condition. Staffs are permitted to move around when there is a need to because they won't be joined to the phones. Dependent upon your picked programming, you can similarly realize bilingual organizations to expand your degree of likely target advertise. Another ideal position is that you can structure the setting of your answering mail to regardless acknowledge brings regardless, when your middle is closed; and if emergency rises, calls will be sent to masters whether or not they are not inside the premises of the rehab office. There is so much that you can do with the right programming and when gone along with, it might be the reason behind your office's thriving.
    drug rehab center florida

    ReplyDelete