Today's Judgmental Stereotypes: Girls in Hats!

Girls in Baseball Caps: De-virginized at 15 by a meathead wide receiver in the back of a mini-van. Enjoys SkinnyGirl cocktails. Has a Boxer but secretly wants a Yorkie.

Girls in Cowboy Hats: Says she likes Conway Twitty, thinks Conway Twitty is that slightly-bearded guy on "The Voice." Chokes down whiskey but vomits in the sink. Calls her apartment "the homestead."

Girls in Floppy Hats: Quotes Annie Hall. Successfully pulls off riding pants. Listens to Tracy Chapman and Adele. Carefully organizes a diet of 400 calories per day.

Girls in Hats with Animal Ears: Belongs to angry knitting mob. Cartilage piercing (left ear). Pretended to experiment with lesbianism at Lilith Fair.

Girls in Visors: Buys Luna bars in bulk at Costco. Ingests a minimum of 15 vitamins per day. Covers her frequently cold arms in one of several dozen long-sleeved 5K Run t-shirts.

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