What does Chicago smell like?

Remember in Seinfeld when Kramer wanted to bottle his Beach perfume? Scent is strongly tied to emotion and memory. I was thinking about what I would put into a bottled Chicago scent. Which smells hit you each day during your commute? Which remind you of first dates and first steps and that weird guy that flirts with you at the dog park?

If I could bottle Chicago, I would mix up this blend:

A hoppy base of local beer. Daisycutter. Gumballhead.
Elements of jibarito, pierogies, sport peppers, and Blommer's chocolate.
A bit of that electric burning odor from the Red line.
Some rotting-Lake-Michigan-fish scent.
Whatever "music snobbery" smells like.
Top notes of alley pee.

What would you include?

(Photo via)

Mixtape: Cicadas and Kiddie Pools

It's mid-summer! I've been craving upbeat music like Popsicles this week so I compiled a lil playlist. Just anthem-y pop and danceable rap. I like to listen to music like this while wearing an age-inappropriate string bikini and licking my lips at the Mexican teenagers in the alley.

Happy summer, my angels!

STREAM CICADAS AND KIDDIE POOLS MIXTAPE HERE!

Awkward Pin-Ups

Absolutely adore these, pilfered at random from These Americans. Love you, girlfriend.


Your 1950s best friend.

Fake yawn, dirty soles.

Armpit hair and Maggie Gyllenhaal eyes

Delicate lip pursing.

Scarf penis.

I guarantee that a pinup of myself would look like this. The granny bra, the drunk eyes, the mouth-breathing.

Garter fail.

Small batch cottage cheese is the new craft pickle.

Craft pickles are so 2011. Vegans can suck it, I'm all over small batch dairy products. Consider Traderspoint Creamery Cottage Cheese, out of Zionsville Indiana. It comes in a lovely little glass jar, which is great for all of you terrarium-trend junkies. An objectively beautiful cow smiles at you demurely from the jar lid. It's also apparently won some awards.

The cheese itself is fresh, and more tangy than most conventional brands. The curds are softer, yet firm. At $4.99 for 16 oz, it's not gonna be an everyday snack for me. Though I will arm-wrestle my husband for the dregs of the jar.

I like to drizzle a little white truffle oil on mine. How fucking first-world is that?

Where to find it.

DUHMERICANA Christmas Gift Guide.

The lovely art on Half Acre's Big Hugs winter stout. You can never go wrong getting me local beer. (via Chicago Reader)



Hey guys! You only have 10 days! Please for you to buy me these things. Happy Holidays, my lovers.


Practical: $1250 antique handmade mittens.

Can you really ever have enough sparkly vinyl Chicago accessories? I need Sink or Swim's Humboldt bag.

These would be cute on even my stubby, jagged ragamuffin nails. Reindeer transfers!

When I decide to take up stimulants- it will be in style, with this stainless steel coke slab.

I'm googoo for Chicagoan Laura George's optimistic prints. You are a magical unicorn pony.

My New Year's resolution is to drink better. Methinks this Cardamom Clove syrup would make sexy gin-based cocktail.

For upcoming winter Fat-ification: The Mini-Donut Factory.

This gorgeous whistle would make me the fanciest trainer in the Windy City Rollers. I mean, I already kind of am, but yeah.

Someone said "mozzarella bar?" Let's have a post-holiday cheese orgy with a gift certificate to Bar Toma. We both win!

I couldn't end the list without a killer necklace. And only $19! Forged Blue Agate by SparrowMadeCo.

Playlist: Bouncy Ball!

I have two moods: Bouncy Ball and Puddle. Since it's the MOST FUCKING WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, I'm on Bouncy Ball a lot more lately.

This playlist timing is perfect, thank you. Thanksgiving Eve is sacred for two reasons: 1). It's the biggest party night of the year and 2). You are about to get fat.

These jams are perfect for bopping around pre-going out tonight, putting on your zip-up-heel boots and red lipstick and sipping on your wine cooler. If you're NOT in high school, and maybe not going out tonight, save this puppy for a blast of endurance training tomorrow before you gorge on salt and animal fat.

Ok? Happy Thanksgiving! I looooveeee youuuuu.

Bouncy Ball! playlist

Update on lack of updates!

I like you people that have actually asked where I've been. Thank you for validating my existence.

Sometimes life is crazybones and personal blogging must take a backseat to bullshit adult responsibilities. Time is tight, bitches. Walls are being torn down in my house. WALLS. Big sweaty men visit me everyday. In addition, crushes, weed-pulling, spray-painting, whining and actual paying work have gotten in the way of the semi-coherent nonsense that I really, legitimately enjoy producing here.

On the POSITIVE side, soon I will have a shiny new bathroom where you can all come have a big tub party. Winter is coming which means I will avoid stepping outdoors and can write more. Look for updates on the awesomeness I am creating and an invitation to be naked and bathe together.

Miss you.

Love,
Melanie